Hey everyone! Remember me? No, probably not. Wouldn't blame you. I haven't written anything in about 2 and a half months! Shocking. To call myself a blogger (or a good blogger) might be wishful thinking. I've finally found some motivation to write again and it feels good. Once I start writing, I remember how much I enjoy it. It's just the starting that kind of sucks. I'm holding onto this spur of creativity and mojo before it disappears and I retract back to eating and netflixing my life away (aren't we all, and that's okay).
Right, so, story time. I'm home. Back in the lovely UK. I got home on the 11th of March, so it's been a while. If all went to plan, I'd still be in Australia right now. Probably would've stayed until the end of my visa or would've done farm work to extend for another year. But, I'm not. Plans and circumstances always change when you least expect. I had a great Christmas and New Year in Sydney, travelled up the east coast for a bit, then moved to Melbourne, where I lived and worked for just over a month. I arrived in Melbourne at the end of January and stayed with a friend for the first few weeks. This was around the time when we all started to become aware of the Coronavirus (you probably aren't familiar with the term, but yeah, it's this pretty serious bug going around right now...) My friends roommate arrived back to Melbourne from China a few days after I arrived. She was wearing a mask and self quarantined for 14 days. She's a doctor and was authorised to go back to work after showing no symptoms.
We didn't really think much of it, but it was interesting to hear her perspective early on since she was in China when it all started. Her family members who were back in China pretty much ordered her to stay inside and get groceries delivered for at least 3 weeks. This was a bit unsettling for me as I was living with her! But again, we didn't think much of it. I began the really fun tasks of job searching and flat hunting. Finding decent work that isn't soul destroying as a backpacker on a working holiday visa in Australia is really hard. Well, at least I found it hard. I know job searching is never ever easy, but my god, this was tough. Then again, maybe I was just a bit unlucky. That could also be it. Coffee shops and bars are quite selective with who they hire and quite often it's just down to pure luck with staff turnover and timing. I handed out a billion CVs and got nada.
I eventually took a job as a charity fundraiser because time was ticking and my funds were running low. Yep, I was one of those annoying people in the street that stop you and try and get you to sign up to something you don't want to. To be honest, the pay was alright and the people were nice. However, you really have to be a certain type of person to thrive in that sort of job, and I didn't quite have 'the gift of of the gab'. Let's just say I didn't last too long. Nevertheless, it was character building, I made some money and I learnt a lot.
After I quit my life long dream job of fundraising, I picked up various temping shifts here and there and thought of heading to do farm work to escape the Melbourne winter. I looked into some farms but was just feeling uneasy and uncertain about everything. Something felt off and I wasn't really getting the most out of my time in Melbourne.
As much as I tried to make it work and stay positive, I didn't feel myself. Of course it takes time to feel settled somewhere, but I couldn't find peace and patience within myself to allow a natural and healthy progression. I was exhausted, sad and anxious every single day and there was something telling me it was time to go home. I needed my family close. Was this a hard decision for me to make? Absolutely. You only get granted your working holiday visa once, was I just throwing everything away and giving up? That's what was most unsettling and confusing about the whole situation. The thought that I wasn't being strong enough, that it would seem like I had failed.
Then I remembered that actually, no one cares. I was the only person putting these sorts of pressures on myself. The people who care about me just wanted me to be happy and if that meant going home, then so be it! It really doesn't matter too much in the grand scheme of things. Simply put, I wasn't in the right head space to get the most out of my time away anymore. And if you're not getting the most out of it, then there's really not much point! I wasn't giving up or failing, I was being strong by putting myself and my mental health first. I booked my flight at the beginning of March and immediately felt a sense of relief. My flight also ended up being really cheap, which was great. Although I bawled my eyes out when the plane took off, I didn't really feel all that sad. It just felt right. I was really ready to come home after being away for just over 6 months.
After being home for a couple days, it felt like I had never left. A few days after, the Coronavirus crisis really heated up in Europe and travel bans started to be put in place. Turns out I made it home just in time. A lot of my friends I met travelling have unfortunately had to cut their trips short. I guess, for me, the feeling of wanting and being ready to come home came at the best time. The thought of being out in Australia now, not knowing the next time I could come back, is unsettling.
Of course I still wake up some mornings and think about what I could have done differently, or wonder if I should have just gone to do my farm work. Would things be better? Maybe, but maybe not. There's no point dwelling on the 'what if's' (as much as I do it every single day), there's no changing the past. Everything happens for a reason (bet you've never heard that one before) and coming home was definitely the right decision. For me, home is the best place to be during a pandemic. I'm with my family, safe. Returning to such unprecedented times is obviously really difficult, but it's difficult for everyone right now. We don't have a clear idea of what the future holds and I find that it's the not knowing which makes it really hard to set clear goals and stick to them.
I have many more stories to share about my travels, so one of my goals is to carry on writing more content. I'll be using this time to reflect back and share with you some highlights and experiences which really stood out for me. I'm also using this time to count my blessings and be grateful for literally everything. We're all in this together. Until next time!
Big love,
Belle x
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