Hey everyone, hope you’re all doing well. I have to admit, I kind of struggled to come up with a topic to talk about over these past weeks. It took a while to get inspired, but here I am. Since we can’t travel right now, this blog has turned into my space on the internet to write about topics I find interesting and share my thoughts about life in the new normal of 2020.
This whole lockdown thing has brought out my introverted side. Anyone else actually get a little nervous when thinking about socialising in a pub or club with strangers again? As much as I thrive off social connection, I’m also really great at doing absolutely nothing, binging Netflix and chilling out with my cat. I've started watching New Girl from the beginning again. 6 and a half seasons to go...ooops.
Keeping up with this blog forces me to broaden my curiosity and maintain a somewhat steady flow of creativity. I also love connecting with you all and hearing about your thoughts. It keeps me reading, and it keeps me writing. I tell ya, formulating coherent sentences that make sense is like brain gym for me right now. Having this platform helps me think and feel (to a semi-intellectual and meaningful level), and exercise my thoughts. I hope it can do the same for you. If you have a little laugh to yourself, are provided with some food for thought, or gain some new perspective, then I’m happy. If you don’t, that’s fine too. I’m still grateful for your support.
If you’re reading this, hi, and thanks. Please keep reading. You’re not sitting in front of your TV binging Netflix (yet)... and that’s something to be proud of. Also, you taking a few minutes out of your day to read what I have to say means more to me than you may think. So, thank you.
Alright, enough rambling. Let’s get on with it.
The Permission to Feel
A few weeks back, from the 18th to 24th May, it was Mental Health awareness week. Lots of interesting articles came to my attention and I was inspired to bring some ideas to the surface by writing about them in my own words. As we all know, keeping your mental health in check during these challenging times is so important. It’s also really hard.
I think most everyone will experience some struggle with their mental health at some point in their lives. Although there’s always room for improvement, I’m really pleased with how society has become a safer place to be open and honest about sensitive feelings. We’ve bonded together to remind ourselves of a very important message: it’s okay not to be okay.
Today I wanted to touch on the importance of giving yourself permission to feel. Often in life, we squash down our feelings too quickly by immediately seeking distraction. We set high expectations of ourselves and sometimes fight our feelings in order to live up to those expectations. This is a good thing to some extent. It keeps us going. But I also think we need to remember to give ourselves a break. Especially now. Acknowledge the shit feelings for what they are and don’t get pissed off if they don’t leave as quickly as you’d hope.
In the old normal, we were really used to things. When feeling down, we’d easily be able to quickly compensate by engaging in comfortable coping mechanisms. This makes us feel better, to some extent.
Feeling shitty because of a breakup? Go out with your friends and get drunk. Just lost your job? Meet up with mates and they’ll tell you you’re so much better than that job anyways. Just feeling sad? Watch a funny show, call your mates, or listen to a funny podcast.
I’m not saying these compensations are wrong. These are all normal human responses to cheer yourself up. However, completely letting yourself feel bad by welcoming those negative feelings is actually a vital first step towards really feeling better.
This time of lockdown is both a blessing and a curse for our thought patterns. Although we have plenty of things to keep us entertained at home, we’re less socially connected and our freedom is restricted. This means we’re becoming used to sitting alone with our thoughts and observing the ways in which our brains handle them. Although it sucks and can be really freaky sometimes, this is actually a really great time to become comfortable with the bizarre ways your mind works. We’re under no pressure to make new friends and get to know new people, so get to know yourself.
This doesn’t mean wallowing in your sorrows for weeks on end allowing the unhelpful thoughts to consume you… it means becoming comfortable sitting alone with yourself from time to time and acknowledging the way you feel, however painful it might be. Become comfortable in letting yourself feel the natural progression of your emotions without fighting them. I guess this is part of what 'mindfulness' is.
We don’t like to do this, because, well, it sucks. Feeling shit is really shitty. We’ve been conditioned to see it as a sign of weakness, when actually, it’s a sign of strength. Coming to terms with yourself, sitting alone with your thoughts, and letting yourself really feel every raw, painful emotion takes way more strength than pushing them away and seeking immediate distraction.
It’s also so much healthier. Quick fixes only work for the short term. The real healing comes from the marathon of consistently processing your emotions in a healthy way, not from the quick sprint to numb them. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes a hell of a lot of strength and will make you more resilient in the long run.
When we’re feeling crap, it’s easy to numb the pain through self-destructive habits. But remember, when you numb the bad feelings, you also numb your capacity to feel happiness and joy. Welcome the negative feelings and let yourself cry, because otherwise they will build up and become too heavy to carry, and you’ll fall hard.
Being vulnerable is a sign of strength. It shows you’re human, and it shows you care. Leaning into your emotions is never a weakness, it’s the best way to process everything life throws at you, so that you can move forward in a healthy, full, and beautiful way.
Thanks for reading, I hope this made you feel something.
Until next time!
Big love,
Belle x
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